Cut Through the Confusion and Chaos to Live a Well-Organized Life
I’ve mentioned in several posts, like this one, that I have anxiety. So when I found out that Heather LeGuilloux, a therapist and mental health blogger, had resources for anxiety – specifically her Anxiety Pocket eWorkbook?
I jumped all over that.
Full disclosure that Inspired Forward is an affiliate partner with Heather LeGuilloux. That means if you buy something of hers through one of my links, I may get a commission at no extra cost to you.
I was one of those people who thought I would never have any kind of mental health problems. When I was a kid, I thought I was the most normal person in the room – minus, of course, my diabetes.
My sister and I, as well as our classmates in school, were told about the “mentally ill” as if they were a contagious subset of the population. Just look on any corner in downtown Seattle and you’re liable to bump into someone homeless and raving.
I thought, “There’s no way I’d ever have mental problems.”
Oh, how I laugh at my younger self for that thought.
Surprisingly, I made it through high school, college, and almost two years of full time working before I finally admitted to myself that something wasn’t working – something wasn’t right – and went to a therapist.
Lo and behold, I have a mild form of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I’ve had type 1 diabetes since age two. Diabetes education is near and dear to my heart, especially since I volunteer every year at a day camp for young, and often newly-diagnosed type 1’s.
Let’s dive right in.
You either get it or you don’t. Changing your lifestyle won’t prevent your pancreas from attacking itself.
It’s only treatable. Insulin is not a cure, it’s a treatment.
The science community has been telling us that a cure is 5 years away for over 50 years. The closest we’ve gotten is cell replacement therapy, but that’s just trading insulin for anti-rejection medication.
Personally, I’m looking forward to artificial pancreases and closed-loop insulin pumps.
There are only two things I can’t have: poison, and cookies made with poison. It’s an old joke intended to get the point across that, as long as we correct appropriately, literally nothing is off limits.
Have you ever felt like you’re just an imposter at work? Like you didn’t actually do anything to deserve the position you hold, and you wonder why your boss keeps you around. It’s not like you actually know what you’re doing, right? There’s a name for this: imposter syndrome.
I had imposter syndrome big time at my first real job. I never really felt like I knew what I was doing or if I was doing it particularly well. In reality, I must have known that I wouldn’t have been hired if I didn’t actually know what I was doing, but that didn’t help.
Imposter syndrome is a form of self-invalidation.
Honestly, I think all of us have these thoughts at some point in our careers.
When we’re stepping into a new role, a new industry, it’s normal to ask questions, but we tell ourselves we should know it all already, and that we’ll look stupid or fake if we ask any questions.
If you own a pet, I’m willing to bet that you’re less stressed than your non-pet-owning friends. In fact, there’s quite a bit of research and studies on how owning – or just petting – an animal can significantly decrease your stress levels, as well as all the negative health effects that come from being too stressed out.
I grew up with animals. My family had dogs (one at a time and the longest-lived were boxers), a cat, horses, chickens, fish, birds (at times), guinea pigs, rabbits, and even a hamster. My favorites among these were the dogs and the cat because they were the ones I was around the most.
I remember spending a lot of time with the dog, just petting her, hugging her, and keeping her close. I likely didn’t consciously realize it at the time, but petting those puppers helped with how I felt. The husband and I have a cat now, and I could immediately see the positive impact she’s had on our lives. We’re laughing more, smiling more, and I feel less wound up after having pet her.
Sometimes she acts like a dog and it’s so cute.
I mentioned in my post on keeping your sanity in college that if there’s an animal shelter nearby, go volunteer there! The schools that put on those “Pet the Stress Away” events know what’s up. During dead week and finals week, what you really need is fifteen minutes petting a dog.
I’ve mentioned before that I have Type 1 Diabetes. Put simply, that means my pancreas doesn’t produce insulin, and I have to give myself that insulin. I use an insulin pump, but others do injections.
For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to say “diabetes” and mean Type 1. Type 2 is a different disease.
Diabetes is considered an invisible illness. There are no outward, physically visible symptoms that show up. Unless you’re a regular Sherlock, one look at me wouldn’t tell you that I’m a diabetic.
My insulin pump is so slim that it hides neatly under my clothes. My CGM sensor sits on my arm, a little bump that’s usually unnoticeable.
But I see it all. I feel all the highs and the lows.
Diabetes isn’t a joke – it can kill people. Being too high or too low can spell disaster. The magic is hitting the sweet spot with my blood sugars – making them look like this:
I believe that my diabetes gave my mom gray hair. She woke up in the middle of the night every night to check my blood sugar when I was a kid. I sometimes wonder if she still wakes up at 2 AM thinking she has to go check me.
That’s what diabetes does to people.
It trains you into a new “normal” that never goes away.
Have you ever heard the phrase “Fundamental Attribution Error” before? Put simply, it’s the term for when you attribute someone’s behavior to their character rather than their outside circumstances. Alternatively – holding someone else to a higher standard than you hold yourself.
Why could this be dangerous, and why is it called an error?
On your drive to work, you get cut off. You honk at the offender, cursing his bad decision-making and decide he (or she) must be the stupidest driver to ever pass the licensing exam.
Of course, you would NEVER cut someone off.
Except…you did. Yesterday.
Perhaps… perhaps the person who just made a poor driving decision is late to a meeting. Maybe he’s rushing to the hospital to see his dying grandmother before she passes away.
Now, I’m not excusing his bad driving. I’m saying that there are other reasons to make poor decisions than innate character.
Unless you're a saint on the road, everyone who drives falls victim to Fundamental Attribution Error. Click To TweetWhen you cut someone off, you grimace and squeal “Sorry!!” even though they can’t hear you. You rationalize your decision based on external factors, like how late you are to work. It makes you feel better about what just happened, but the driver YOU just cut off is now thinking you’re the dumbest driver that ever lived.
And it’s dangerous.
You’re not crazy, insane, or overreacting. You’re human.
This is what you should remember when someone gaslights you.
Gaslighting is when someone does or says something, and later tells you it didn’t happen the way you remember it or even happen at all.
It’s also the term for when you move all the living room furniture an inch to the left every day and act like your parents are crazy for stubbing their toes every night on the coffee table.
null
null
Here’s an example:
Your mother-in-law makes a comment that you’re an unfit mother and that your child should live with her instead.
You react: “Excuse me?! WTF did you just say??”
“What? I didn’t say anything. You must have imagined it. You’re clearly overreacting to-” she huffs, “-SOMEthing.”
That’s gaslighting.
You're not crazy, insane, or overreacting. You're human. Click To TweetYou have every right to feel upset because this person is insisting that you’re remembering wrong – or no, it didn’t even happen.
The definition of “gaslight” as a verb is “to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”
When you think of it like that, it’s so insidious and dark.
Let me set the scene.
Amanda has forgotten to do something she promised to do. When she realizes this and apologizes, promising again that she’ll do it, she’s met with hostility and anger. There are two other people in the room besides herself and the angry one, and they’re watching the scene impassively.
Amanda’s hurt.
While she knows it’s her fault for forgetting her promise, she’s just been verbally abused and none of the bystanders did anything to stop it.
In fact, when Amanda’s husband later confronted them, they said, “She must just be tired.”
Excuse me?
What just happened?
As if her feelings didn’t matter. As if her emotions were driven by feeling tired, instead of actual hurt inflicted upon her.
What’s even worse is that a lot of the time, we do this to ourselves.
Well, what does that look like? In fact, it’s pretty easy to spot. Most of the time it starts with “I shouldn’t” or “I should”.
Sound familiar?
Losing your job can be one of the most stressful things people experience. This isn’t to say that there are more stressful things to go through, but for many folks this is the thing that breaks them. Being prone to anxiety and worry myself, I had to learn how to keep calm when my job disaster struck.
It doesn’t matter how your job disaster comes around. The stress involved with it centers around one thing: you’re going from stable to unstable; income to no income. It can happen to anyone. Don’t assume that your loyalty to your company or all your hard work will protect you. Let me share some strategies that helped me cope and keep calm when my own job disaster hit.
