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For some people, knowing how to build confidence in personal relationships is challenging. You may find that you have self-confidence in many other areas of your life—your business, talents, and so forth—but lack the confidence to have successful personal relationships.


For some, this is because of their experiences—once bitten, twice shy, so to speak. For others, it just seems to be how they're wired; they just can't be the social butterfly they wish they could be.

If any of this describes you, read on for some tips and suggestions that may help.

Recognize You're Not Alone

Pretending like you don't have trouble with confidence won't help. The number of people who have to work at their "naturally born confidence" might surprise you. They took time and effort to learn and build the art of self-confidence in their relationships. If there wasn't a growing number of people in need of self-confidence, there wouldn't be a growing field of confidence coaches and life coaches to help!

Your Contribution

If you feel insecure when you think of your interpersonal relationships (or when you think of starting one), it might help to remember that you have something of value to contribute to that relationship.

Lack of confidence may stem from a sense that relationships are only about you pleasing the other person, or getting him or her to like you. However, it's important to realize that you have something to contribute to the relationship which will benefit the other person—you!

Flaws Happen

Remember that both you and the person with whom you are in a relationship have flaws. Everyone does. People who don't know how to build confidence in relationships walk on eggshells, afraid they will say or do something that could cause the other person to turn against them.

But truthfully, someone who really likes or loves you will not ditch you just because you said one off-color thing or made one mistake. And if they do, you didn't need them to begin with!

Knowing how to build confidence in personal relationships can be challenging. Here are some tips and suggestions that may help you build your confidence.

Silence Your Negative Inner Voice

First, recognize it—listen for a few days to your inner voice. What's it saying? Do you hear things like: 

  • "You're not good enough,"
  • "No one would ever put up with you," or
  • "I just can't go over and talk to him/her?" 

Once you hear these thoughts, it's time to take action and change them. Often, such negative self-talk is a habit and you don't even realize you're doing it. Forge new habits of positive self-talk instead. The licensed counselors at BetterHelp can help you learn how to master positive self-talk. Remember that you have something to contribute to a relationship and the right person will be glad to have you as an addition to his or her life!

Consider Coaching

You might consider becoming a client of a confidence or life coach. We specialize in helping people realize their potential, both professionally and personally. There's no shame in seeking advice, whether from a friend or a professional. 

Interested in learning more about what life coaching can do for you? Sign up for a free 60-minute consultation to find out if we're a good fit. 

About the author 

Inspired Forward

Mindset & accountability life coach, writer, podcaster, and full-time analyst in the power industry. I'm passionate about showing people that how we think determines our realities.

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